Friday, December 26, 2008

Summary Of "Twilight" (warning: spoilers)

So for Christmas, I got the entire "Twilight" series ("Twilight", "New Moon", "Eclipse", and "Breaking Dawn"). Yesterday, I finished reading "Twilight".

Almost nothing happens in the first ~200 pages. Seriously. I was disappointed that the word "vampire" wasn't even mentioned until halfway in to the book, but more disappointed that nothing really happened for most of it.

This is my summary of the majority of the book:

BELLA- Hi, I'm Bella, and I'm an idiot, so I decided to move to Forks, Washington. There's too much green here. I'm really klutzy, did you know that? I also faint when I see blood. Oooh, who's that? OMG, he's gorgeous. His name is Edward. It's not like I stalk him or anything, really. It's just that he's perfect, beautiful, amazing, breathtaking, and gorgeous, and also my favorite stone depends on the color of his eyes at any given moment. And when it snows, the snow looks like the end of a Qtip. Snow isn't supposed to look like a Qtip, damn it! It wasn't so cold and rainy back in Arizona.

EDWARD- I'm Edward.

BELLA- Hi Edward! (to herself) OMG, two boys just asked me to the dance? What should I do? No! I can't go to the dance! OMG, why isn't Edward in school?

JACOB- Probably because he's a vampire.

BELLA (to Edward)- OMG, Edward, you're a vampire.

EDWARD- Yes. And you smell amazing. I can't keep myself away from you. The smell of your blood is delicious.

BELLA- Make me a vampire, Edward. Because if you don't make me a vampire, then one day, I'll die, and I won't be near you.

EDWARD- But I don't want to hurt you.

BELLA- (whining) But I don't caaaaaaaare!

EDWARD- Hey, look at my skin sparkle in the sun!

BELLA- OMG, that is so cool. Edward, I love you.

EDWARD- I know. And I keep saving your life. Plus I can read minds.

BELLA- That is so cool!

EDWARD- But I can't read your mind. I don't know why.

BELLA- How can I become a vampire?

EDWARD- I'm not telling you. Hey, wanna play vampire baseball?


EDWARD- FYI, we have to wait for a thunderstorm.

BELLA- That's so cool. Edward, I don't care if it hurts, I just want to be a vampire, because I am obsessively in love with you.


1 comment:

Me said...

Haha, I am yet to read Twilight (Im still waiting for my cousin to lend them to me) but I find your summary hilarious! Are they really that bad?